No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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