He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
