There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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