would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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