We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
