the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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