i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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