I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
