he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
