so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
