if only i could text you this smell
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
