I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
