He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
