i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
