she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
