The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
