my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
