We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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