what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
