...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
