please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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