dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
