Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
