so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
