Even the bartender felt bad for me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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