She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
