How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
