i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
