You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
