his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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