Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
