Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
