And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
