Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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