i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
