Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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