If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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