dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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