every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
