u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
