Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
