It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
