so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
