I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
