sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
