Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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