I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
