That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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