O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
