you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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