11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
