If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
