2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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