considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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