i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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