just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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