so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
