ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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